Only my AP English Exam and Chemo #11 separate me from Prom, my 18th birthday, and graduation. So so happy :)
Dear You,
Every morning I would wake up, asking for something new. Something bold, something different, something that could not be contrived by ordinary measures, as I had become underwhelmed by everything around me. Then You came along, stuck with me for awhile, put up with my qualities,…
So much is happening this month, and it’s so hard to work chemo around them. I just want everything to be over already. My mind is ready for this to be over, but my body can’t keep up. This light at the end of the tunnel seems so close, yet so far away.
As much as I try, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to believe that you could ever love me. Because there’s always going to be a little black cloud of doubt floating in the back of my head, keeping me from seeing what’s really there.
As the pink and golden hues of the sunset fades into blanket of black, and as the rest of the world falls asleep, I’m alone and awake. I can hear the nightly creatures wake from their daytime dreams, and see the light of the moon peer through my window. Every night is always the same. I lie in bed, listening to the crickets as a cloud of doubts, what if’s, would haves, and could haves hover over me. Haunting me in my dreams. It’s not until the blanket lifts and the sea blue begin to diffuse that the cloud finally floats away, leaving it’s traces behind in my head.
