November 2011
53 posts
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I had mental breakdown when I got home yesterday. It was the “Why me?” kind of breakdown. I know in the back of my head, there’s no rhyme or reason as to why I suddenly have cancer, and looking back on it now, it was really selfish of me. If anything, I’d rather be the one to have cancer than my parents or sisters or anyone I love.
It’s just really hard to watch everyone suffer because of me.
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Last night, I saw myself for the first time. I haven’t looked at a mirror in so long, and I wish I hadn’t. I’m covered in cuts, bruises, dry blood, and bandages— I look disgusting. For the past seventeen years, I’ve worked so hard to get my confidence to where I’m finally with myself, and all that hard work is gone. I don’t feel pretty anymore. I’m...
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I get to go home in a few hours. I’m so excited.
1 Chemo treatment down, 13 more to go.
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I’m a knitting machine.
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My hospital stay this time was a little longer than intended, but that’s okay. My chemo treatment for this week is almost finished. I get to go home on Sunday! Hopefully going back to school on Tuesday. I need t get away from my mom, and I’ve missed everyone.
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I finally sent a few college applications. I feel a lot better now. No more panicking.
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My brain is completely fried, and I have so much on my plate right now. I’ve been rushing to work on college essays since I found out the news, and it doesn’t look like I’ll be taking a break anytime soon.
I’m so tired.
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I’m really upset I have to miss Thanksgiving this year :( Fingers crossed for not missing Christmas!
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I needed something to do for whenever I’m in the hospital, so I’m going to pick up knitting. I’m going to be a little grandma :)
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I’m finally starting to feel like my normal self again. Unfortunately, I go back to the hospital tomorrow, so good bye normal life.
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Time to pack for the hospital. Tomorrow I’m getting admitted, and getting all my tests done. Wednesday is my first day of chemo.
I’m really scared.
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I has monster cookies
OM NOM NOM NOM
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I can’t even begin to describe how good my Sunday was. It started off eating dim sum with my family and my boy, then I went to Starbucks to meet up with some of my friends, then I ended up at Sydney’s house for a movie night she set up with all my friends before I go back to the hospital. It was probably one of the best night I had in a while. It was like a little party. There was a...
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Didn’t go to school today because I didn’t feel like it. I woke up at noon, went out to lunch, and went to school so I could tell my teachers in person. It was kind of awkward after I broke the news, but It went really well. I’m really proud of myself for not crying.
I’m proud of myself for taking this so well.
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I can’t be anything but strong now. I can’t cry anymore; it’s not going to make my cancer go away. I just have to keep smiling and laughing, think positively, and hope that everything will be okay.
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I can’t decide which is worst: finding out you have cancer or knowing you’re going to lose your because of it.
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Tonight I found out I have cancer. It’s not terminal or anything. It’s definitely treatable, and I have faith in the crew taking care of me, so I’m not too worried. Although I sad that I’ll be spending Thanksgiving at the hospital, I’ll probably end up missing my boyfriend’s 18th birthday, and missing the majority of my senior year.
Honestly, I’m...
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Today is the day I finally know what is wrong with me. Keeping my fingers crossed.
pleasedon’tbecancerpleasedon’tbecancerpleasedon’tbecancerpleasedon’tbecancer. pretty please.
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I think it’s finally sinking in that I can’t slack off anymore. I hate growing up.
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AP Calc can suck my poop.
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Seeing and hearing everyone getting acceptance letters, I’m starting to panic a little. With me being sick, and the amount of makeup work I have to do, I’ve been neglecting me college applications. Deadlines are coming soon, and I can’t seem to find the time or motivation. It seems like everyone has already sent in all their applications, and I have yet to send one.
I think...
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Yesterday was my first day back to school, and I don’t miss it at all. I feel like the dumb-fuck population at my school tripled during the week that I’ve been gone. Although one good thing happened: I finally got to see my friends. Despite the lack of concern over the past week, they definitely made it up today. Even though I hate being the center of attention, it felt really nice to...
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I’m really excited to go to school tomorrow. I’m so tired of sitting around doing nothing.
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This biopsy I’m getting tomorrow better give me some answers. I’m tired of staying in the hospital.
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Me being sick couldn’t have come at a worse time. I have school to worry about and college applications to worry about on top of school. I don’t have time to sit here and wonder what the actual fuck is wrong with me. I’m tired and I just want to go home… Really bad.
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I can’t think of anything worse than seeing your loved ones in pain and struggle because of you.
